Once again the holiday season is upon us and the New Year is riding on it’s coat tails. I remember the days when everyone used to share there ‘New Years Resolutions’ with each other upon returning to school or to work after the short holiday vacation.

But the idea of making a commitment to change something in our personal lives seems to have lost it’s zing in the past decades.

I don’t here people sharing there resolutions like I used to. Many of my friends, family and acquaintances have actually resolved to no longer make ‘New Years Resolutions’. In some circles, talk of ‘New Years Resolutions’ will earn you a look of disdain or even pity. The sentiment is that only children and the naïve still subscribe to such foolishness.

Astute and sophisticated folk know better than to hang there self growth goals on that fading star. The rest of us need to ‘get with the program’.

Well, I’m not buying it. The slow death of the ‘New Years Resolution’ ritual in American culture has nothing to do with advanced thinking or the giving up of childish things. It’s demise sits squarely in the lap of personal failure.

We stop making ‘New Years Resolutions’ because we have become discouraged by our annual inability to carry through on our promises to our selves.

Rather than wallow in the pain of knowing that we are not the masters of our fate and captain of our ship we resolve to avoid the disappointment by joining the ranks of non-resoluters.

I understand and sympathize with those of you who have chosen this as your ………….

……“Failed Resolution Solution.”

But I am here to inform you that there is a better way. You can make resolutions and see them through to a successful conclusion with proper knowledge, guidance and support.

The new year is actually one of the best times to start a new goal.

Because the ‘New Years Resolution” is a social ritual, getting the support you need to carry through to the end is easy to find. There are still plenty of people out there who want to make this year better than there last. Maybe even, there “best year ever” So you are not alone.

Here are some tips to guarantee your 2011 resolutions bring you the ‘change you can believe in.”

1. Do not by any means engage the ‘non-resoluters’ in debates, discussions or pissing sessions concerning the efficacy of ‘New Years Resolutions.’ Misery loves company. There sole purpose is the rain on your parade. When you feel the urge to respond to there nay saying: Stop, do not pass go!
2. Find an accountability partner. Someone who also has a goal they are beginning in the new year. Meet with this person at least once per week to monitor each others progress, encourage each other, share strategies that are helping you keep your eye on the prize and put some fire under each other when needed. Don’t make this another meeting you will come to hate. 20 minutes is sufficient time for an accountability meeting. Stick to the script.
3. Go public with your goal to your close friends and relatives (excluding #1). Keep them updated with a bi-weekly or monthly email blast on your progress. We are wired as human beings to place less importance on disappointing ourselves, than on disappointing others. This need to make good on our word makes both the accountability partnership and community support very effective.
4. Break your big goal into smaller, mini goals or baby goals. If your want to lose 20lbs. by the summer, don’t focus on the 20 lbs. Focus on 1-2 lbs at a time. Set your self a goal of 1 lb per week and by June 30, you will have achieved your goal. The mini goal keeps you focused. The mini goal reduces performance anxiety. The mini goal allows you to harness momentum. Each mini goal achieved builds your faith and self esteem, which in turn fuels your goal achievement tank.
5. Benefit from the trance inducing affect of immersion. Surround yourself with images, information, and art that brings your mind back to the goal. Place pictures of yourself at your desired weight where you are going to see them. If you don’t have any, use images of someone else. Subscribe to journals and email list than provide education on the subject your goal is related to. Feed your soul on media that is inspiring. Whether it be music, film, novels or websites, make sure they are uplifting and concludes with the confirmation of lifes possibilities. Together, there message will induce a subtle form of self-hypnosis that will put wind beneath your resolution wings.
6. Create an home environment that supports and foster the success of you goal. Do you have the right food in your refrigerator to accelerate you weight loss goals? Have you removed all of the foods, snacks and beverages that will sabotage your success? Don’t wait for January 1 to find your gym bag, mat and other exercise accessories. I find that rearranging the furniture is a great way of keeping a new goal idea fresh in my mind. You don’t need to bring in an interior decorator. Move some things around, change some lighting, add some new scents. You will be surprised how effective these small changes are in awakening you from your day to day pattern.
7. Allocate time to achieving your goal. Don’t assume that the task needed to make your goal a success will get done by chance. Block out time everyday to work on your goal. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Take it slow. Remember, baby goals. Set a timer during your blocked time and let everyone know, your are not to be disturbed under any circumstances. Keep a journal of what you accomplish daily during your block time. This is something you can share with your accountability partner and community of supporters. It’s also a source of immediate feedback if/when you start slipping.

Everything in the universe functions according to a system. A pattern of behaviors, stimulus-responses and actions setting off chain reactions. There is a method to the universes sometimes apparent madness.

If you are to be successful in making your ‘New Years Resolution’ a reality, you too must have a prescribed system of actions, checks & balances, guidance and supporters that lead you to your goal. Let’s make 2011 your best resolution year ever.

If you could use some assistance with achieving your goals this year, contact me to set up an face to face or phone consultation.

973-968-6055
kazi@riseandshinepld.com



“To accept your own is also a guidance to accept that which you have created, accept your responsibilities. It is in essence a directive to claim all of who your are- the good, the bad and the ugly.”

The above is the essence of my previous post. Claiming and taking ownership of the results of our actions is a crucial step in being Oneself.

Your Oneself is already perfect. Your Oneself is just and true and there is no unrighteousness in your Oneself. But there is a false self that we have learned from birth. This false self is “who we think we are.” The I.

What’s in a name?

Even when we take on the label of being conscious, righteous, saved, god, muslim, christian, hebrew, buddist, khemetic, moor, spiritual, etc., if the false self has not been subordinated, we are simply changing mask.

As it is in heaven, so shall it be on earth.

Our inability to unite around one common cause is due to our inability to unite and integrate the many selves within. Our outer condition is but a reflection of our inner conditioning. We are inwardly divided and expect to be outwardly united.

We are focused on changing the world and have devoted little effort to the most effective and greatest of changes, the movement from i self – to own self – to Oneself.

The death of the ego, is the life of the group.

self- O.E. self, seolf, sylf “one’s own person, same,” from P.Gmc.*selbaz (cf. O.N. sjalfr, O.Fris. self, Du. Zelf, O.H.G. selb, Ger. Selbst, Goth. silba), P.Gmc. *selbaz, from PIE *sel-bho-, from base *s(w)e-”separate, apart”

The i self is a consciousness of separateness. It specializes in perceiving division. The i self is blinded by the light of the common cause behind the separate effects. The unity behind the multiplicity.

The i self thinks that it is the judge of good and evil. This tendency results in the rejection of other parts of self that don’t meet it’s learned, fear based criteria of right/wrong. It in essence ignores the the experiences, thoughts, memories, ideas and possibilities that don’t agree with it’s present model of reality.

In it’s ignorance, the i self confuses the map with the territory and can only lead you in the wrong direction.  For in the real world, the territory is always changing.

The lessons are a blessing

The lessons that lead to uniting the diverse parts into a unified whole are locked within the rejected stones of past errors. The elitist consciousness of the i self will not grow until it embraces the entire “Community of Self.” There is a lesson on the lips of the preacher and the pimp, the nurse and the witch, the trauma, the victory, the dream and the snitch.

Here are further exorcises to locate and reintegrate the fractured and rejected inner teachers of your soul.

1. Begin to keep a journal of your dreams. The M.I.A. members of your inner army often make their appearance here, when the I self is incapable of shock blocking.
2. Take note of comments, situations, people that make you uncomfortable and especially those that evoke an outburst of anger, fear, confusion, depression or any extreme emotion.
3. What, who, when, where do you forget? What are the things that seem to always “slip your mind”? Start taking note of the Lost members of your inner tribe. Allow them to find their proper place in your psychic flock.
   

There are jewels in the above exorcises. Use them to reclaim your abandoned offspring. The family that stays together, rises together.

Rise and Shine.

Have you heard or read anyone refer to being your ‘authentic self’, becoming your ‘best self’ or you ‘divine self’. These statements embody a common theme running through the spiritual, self-improvement and holistic healing communities in recent years.

The idea of a “personal best” representative of who we are or simply who we really are is an ancient idea that has cycled back into the psyche of the current generation of ‘seekers’ after that certain something that is missing.

We become seekers because of a strong sense of emptiness or incompleteness that longs for ‘full-fill-ment.

We seek outside of the mass consciousness information networks, only to feast until stuffed at the information overload banquets of pseudo wisdom host.

The temporary satiation they provide leave us more aware of our hunger and inability to provide nourishment for ourselves and family.

The solo seeker after the “truth” thus becomes a lone voice crying in a wilderness of untamed desires, uncultivated spiritual resources and uncivilized kinsmen. Lost from home with neither map or compass, we wander blindly through life.

Never recognizing that which we seek is all around us, all the time.

Yet, there is light at the end of tunnel vision. There is an answer to the cry for a guide. But it can not be heard above the constant din of psychic infomercials. Above the looping break beat which distracts us from healing music of the inner spheres.

The guidance sought, sounds at the level of a song whispered. It is not a message to the crowd, nor a message to all seekers. It is private and confidential. Delivered directly, with no intermediary.

From God’s lips, to your ears.

The message unlocks your heart. Wherein lies the compass that will lead the way to that which you seek.

Let me share a few simple assignments to help seekers to lower the volume within:

Not to long ago, A wise man advised me to- “Accept your Own and Be your self.”

The common understanding held by most who are familiar with the above phrase, is usually limited to accepting your kith and kin. To embrace your culture, your people and your common concerns as your own.  This is true, but limits us to only addressing the surface, outer world dimension of this wisdom.

To accept your own is also a guidance to accept that which you have created, accept your responsibilities. It is in essence a directive to claim all of who your are- the good, the bad and the ugly.

Now I know some of you reading this have no bad, negative, error, unresolved issues, lacking, weakness, addictions or demons. You folks can stop reading now. The rest of what I have to say will just be a waste of your time.

We are all willing to accept and claim or best parts, but most of us are in denial about our worst part.

We hide it. Cover it with makeup. And nickname it, so that others (and especially we ourselves) don’t recognize it for what it really is. The problem with this approach is that by denying our demons their due, they become stronger and increase their power over us.

Our errors influence are thoughts and behavior from behind the scenes, because we have not brought them out into the light of day (conscience).

It is the light of the Sun that carries the power to kill the demons that depend on our blood (food) and the darkness (shelter) for life.

Here is a brief history of the word own- (adj) O.E. agen “one’s own,” lit. “possessed by,” from P.Gmc. *aigana- “possessed, owned” (cf. O.S. egan, O. Fris. egin, O.N. eiginn, Du. Eigen, Ger. eigen “own”), from pp. of PIE *aik- “to be mater of, possess,” soruce of O. E. agan “to have” (see owe).

The idea of possession is ancient. To the uninitiated it evokes images of ghost and demons from below the ground.

When in fact, the ghost and demons are unresolved, splintered, orphans of the psyche. Abandoned at birth, raised in the darkness, with no love, forgiveness or guidance.

Hell bent on making the life of anyone who symbolized their parents miserable. Sound familiar.

The only way to slay your demons, is to bring them into the light. Take responsibility for your errors. “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” Admit your mistakes. Make amends with those you have hurt, forgive your self and exorcise your demons in one day.

The key is to forgive, but do not forget. Forgetting leads to repeating your errors. Forgetting is equivalent to losing the knowledge of yourself. And we know where that leads.

By exorcising these demons, you put and end to their shouting for attention. Now you can begin to listen for the soothing voice of your lord.

Next post- Accept you own and be yourself Pt. 2

By follefille Kristina

“All the world is a stage,” but in the drama that is your life you continually being cast as an extra. You get to walk through the set, participate in a bar room brawl and every now and then you even get some lines, like: ‘good eveing Sir, may I take your coat.’

Needless to say, your sick and tired of playing extras and human props. You want the lead role. You want to see your name first in the list of credits and the feeling of satisfaction that goes with it.

You commit yourself to a regimen of personal development that will make you finally stand out from the crowd and get you the roles and compensation that you deserve.

Early Monday morning, you awaken to the 6 AM alarm, excited and ready to put your personal growth/success plan into effect.

First on your agenda, some exercise to get your energy up for the day big ahead. After your usual bathroom ritual you pass your laptop still on your bed from last night and see there are 6 messages waiting for you on your Face Book profile. You attend to that small task in no time and move on to check your email. It’s 6:20 AM, so your in box isn’t overflowing yet. You delete the junk. Reply to the important stuff and finish off with few quick hello/what’s up emails to some out of town friends.

The duffel bag of laundry that’s been sitting behind your bedroom doorway catches your eye. In true “no more procrastination” fashion, you snatch it up in one hand and head down to the basement to drop the pile in the washer for a well deserved swim.

When you arrive back at your room you notice it’s 6:57 and your getting hungry. Time to get some breakfast into you system, to start the morning off right.

This is day one of your new “success by any means necessary”, happy, healthy and wealthy by 2011, personal development journey. Unfortunately, you haven’t gotten anything done that is going to get you any closer to the goals you have set for yourself.

You’ve fallen right back into your old patterns. The only difference is that you’re usually not out of bed until about 7:30, followed by an hour of slumbering around your apartment in a daze until the fear of lateness gets you in gear.

If you want to break away from the life your dissatisfied with and begin to build the life of your dreams, you have got to have a plan for breaking old habits. Habits function on an unconscious level. That is why making a conscious decision to break away from old habits, is oft times not enough.

To break old habits you first have to learn to speak the language of the habit mind. And that language is not limited to words. A often overlooked dialect in the language of the habit mind is that of images.

Have you ever noticed that our urgency to use the toilet increases as we get closer to our place of residence. There is no need for you to say “Wow, I’m almost home” for this to occur. As you travel home, you are passing images (streets, homes, cars, stores, etc.) that serve as unconscious psychological ques that alert your unconscious mind that you are getting close to home. Which in turn signals your bladder to relax and get your attention. It wants you to know, it’s time to open the flood gates.

The same thing happens in your home.

When you awake in the morning, your furniture, the lighting, temperature and other factors in the environment also serve as ques.

Your automaton recognizes the place and time, and begin to automatically steer you through the steps of a choreographed dance you’ve been performing over the preceding months or even years.

If you want to be successful in breaking what has become a vicious cycle, you have got to change the props on the stage of life. Here are a few tweeks to get you started.

• Change the direction of your bed. This will ensure that your habitual wake up, is followed by an conscious wake up. You want to experience that split second uneasiness of ‘where am I?’

• Change the lighting in your bedroom. If your presently using a 60 watt bulb, go up to a 70 watt. If your using an 90 watt. Drop down to an 80 . Shoot for a subtle, but noticeable difference.

• Have a morning ritual that breaks your old pattern. Insert, morning prayer of meditation where reading the paper used to be. In the beginning, leave a big sticky note on the bathroom mirror to remind you of your “new next step”. The old pattern is wired in and will take off automatically if your not reminded.

• Don’t leave distracting pages up on your computer. If you intend to spend an hour writing, first thing in the morning. Shut down all windows, tabs and alerts not directly related to the task at hand.

• Create pre-task rituals. Before your workout, change into a pair of sneakers you keep in the house just for exercise. Don’t use this footwear to walk the dog or go out to the movies. You want the shoes to become sub-consciously associated with exercise. The sneakers will become the equivalent of a bell to Pavlov’s dog.

• Don’t set your thermostat too high. You don’t want to feel like your still cozy under the covers. If you don’t control the thermostat, open a widow just enough to get a light breeze or to bring the temperature down a few degrees.

• Re-arrange some furniture. Move some paintings around on your walls. If your really want to get deep into your psychic mojo, paint a few walls and throw down a rug.

• Burn some incense in the morning and when you arrive home from a day out. You don’t have to fumigate the place. Just enough to alert the senses. Cooking new dishes. Using new spices, herbs and seasoning can have the same effect.

“All the world is a stage, and we are just players.” It’s time for you to take the lead role.

Have you ever heard of Spike Lee? In his first 4-5 feature films, he was not only an actor, but also served as director and producer.

To be successful in breaking habits, assuming the role of director, producer and lead actor, is a must for guaranteeing the long term success of the reality show called “This is Your Life.”

Have you ever noticed the awakening effect remodeling or just re-arranging household furniture has on your psyche. Drop me a line below and share your experiences with us.

Personal development technology is not a telephone booth that doubles as a dressing room for us to change into our super self.

True self improvement addresses the strengths and weaknesses of the individual. It guides us in the process of supplementing our deficiencies and reducing our excesses. One size does not fit all.

Those of us interested and actively involved in the personal development journey have by now become familiar with the focus placed on constant forward motion in self improvement literature.

The gurus of self improvement are for the most part type A, take no prisoners, no surrender-no retreat icons of maximum performance.

But what about the rest of us. What about the type B folks, who are content with living our dream of non-competitive personal best.

What about those who are motivated by an intrinsic sense of self-expression and self-actualization that does not revolve around besting the gal next door.

An integral and very important tool employed in the personal development journey is the observation of retreat. Retreat is removal of oneself from the normal activities and environment. It provides a clear space and time for you to reintegrate, reflect and renew.

When we retreat, we remove ourselves from the battle field. We find a safe place where we can go within for assessment and reparation.

Retreat allows us a moment to listen to the signals that may be getting drowned out by the constant rabble of the world. We embrace quietude, reflection and assessment as a foundation from which our next campaign will be launched. We slow down, tune in and right our course.

When we re-enter the fray, we return with clarity, having dropped the excess baggage of the previous encounter.

We return with strength centered in the core of our being and ready to be directed. We return focused, eye on the prize and single minded.

Retreats are necessary and should be built into all of the cycles of our life. There are not just for special times of year. But are for transitioning from one campaign, task, strategy to the next.

Here are some ways we can work retreat into our personal development lifestyle.

• Use a portion of your meal time to retreat. Don’t just rush down your food then rush back to your work station. A focused, sincere prayer before eating is the ideal retreat. After your meal, a casual walk with no “next” destination on your local streets or a park is an excellent daily constitutional.
• Incorporate internal exercise time into your day. Practice 20 min. of yoga, tai chi or qi gong or some other internal art. If you are not yet a practitioner. Take a class 1-2 sessions per week and practice on your own.

• Choose a scripture or passage from you favorite spiritual text and contemplate it’s deeper meaning in your life. What does the passage mean to you? How does speak to you personally? What can you take from it to improve your life and the life of those around you?

• One day of your week should be a Sabbath day. A day that is focused on connecting to the source of your being. A day devoted to inner labor. A day to let the cares of the world fend for themselves.

• Once a month take a trip with family and friends to a nature setting. A lake, a park, on a hike, a hot spring, a waterfall. In inclement weather go to a spa and allow the sauna and steam rooms to melt your stress and eliminate your toxins.

• An annual retreat with your religious or spiritual organization is always rejuvenating. You will return re-connected to divine, humanity and nature. With clear purpose to guide you in the coming year.

These are but a few ways to hit the reset button of your spirit and unclutter your brain, so it may serve you optimally in the challenges ahead. Start incorporating retreats into your schedule today. Notice the way you feel and perform after re-entry. Develop your on protocol for how to get the most out of your retreat time, based on your own personality and needs.

We all dream about financial independence, but struggle to believe that it’s actually a possibility for us. Especially in today’s economy and the apprehension caused by bills piling up in your household. Do you fear the financial obligations that come with the next thing to go wrong in your home?

Chill out. There’s light on the horizon if you plan and choose wisely.

Financial independence presupposes, financial stability.

According to USA Today, nearly 2/3 of Americans are in debt. Of those, nearly half have stopped paying one or more of their credit cards. Yet the situation is far from an impossible one to overcome.

You can achieve the financial stability you deserve if you know the right choices to make and are willing to take action on that knowledge!

The benefits that come from getting your financial situation under control, will touch every area of your life.

Many of the daily stresses you face that seem totally unrelated to money will disappear.  Your physical health will improve quickly as you regain control of your stress levels. Plus, you’ll be able to think more clearly about your goals and dreams.

Less stress allows you to achieve the presence of consciousness necessary to enjoy your life and nurture the relationships that are most important to you.

Taking small steps in the right financial direction can give you the freedom to enjoy your life! Be confident that the financial peace you seek is right around the corner.

You can experience the success others only dream about when you take small steps to conquer these six areas:

1. Budgeting. I’m sure you know you need a budget. You’ve probably heard this a thousand times! The good news is that setting up a workable family budget is simpler than you think. This first step to financial stability will motivate you to use your finances as a tool to increase your happiness and pursue your dreams.

The key to any successful financial plan is to earn more money than you spend.

Rocket science, right. The only way to do this is with a family budget. The budget is your point of departure. Now that you know where where you are and where you want to go, you’ll have a road map to get there and the confidence to know that make it happen. Only a workable family budget can give you that confidence.

2. Saving Money. Once you’ve created your road map to financial success, and you’re earning more than you spend, you now need the right strategies for saving money. Once you know the right steps to take, short-term and long-term savings will become a joy.

Your savings serve as a cushion for times we take a fall.

No matter how small your paycheck, you should be setting aside a portion of it as savings. Having an emergency fund will ease financial stress that is the result of unforeseen circumstances. This small practice can make the difference between a small setback and financial ruin.

Starting a long term savings/investment program will also bring you peace of mind that fosters a sense of security and contentment.

You’ll be able to take trips to the mailbox without knots in your stomach. When the phone rings, you’ll know that the person on the other end isn’t a bill collector. Your bills will be paid and your future will be secure.

3. Credit. A key component in your road map to financial success is learning to use credit wisely.

Credit, kept in its proper place in your financial life, can be a tool in your financial prosperity toolbox.

Misused, however, credit can destroy your financial life.

We all must learn when to use credit, how to use it wisely, and how to effectively manage our credit score. Taking positive steps toward effective credit management can ensure that your financial tomorrow is a bright one.

4. Getting out of debt. Once you get free, the windows of opportunity swing wide open and the light of that shines in reveals the life you can have. No matter how high the mountain seems at first, the only way to the top is by taking small steps.

The key, though, is taking steps that lead you in the right direction.

When you learn effective strategies for getting out of debt, you’ll feel the exhilaration as you move closer to becoming debt-free. You’ll begin to feel more in control of your life than you ever have before.

5. Bringing in extra cash. One stumbling block you may encounter is finding a way to earn the income you need to survive and thrive. However, with the right strategies and a determination to succeed, this stumbling block can be turned into a stepping-stone toward your success.

Many online and offline income strategies offer you the opportunity to realize your dreams if you’ll take the first step today.

Your passion, expertise or favorite hobby may hold the key to the income stream that changes your life.

6. Protecting your identity. In the world we live in today, failing to protect yourself against identity theft and other financial crimes could derail even the best of financial plans you’ve made. Thankfully, protecting yourself is easier than you think.

When you do, you’ll have the confidence that comes from knowing you’ve done everything required to protect your success.

Your financial prosperity is within your reach, but the choice is yours.

You can stay on the couch, like most people, paralyzed by fear and living a stressful life that falls far short of the life you crave. Or, you can take simple steps today that will lead to a bright tomorrow for you and your family.

Once you create a realistic road map, use effective strategies to reduce your debt, use credit wisely, and save toward your dreams, you’ll have created the foundation to experience the financial independence that most only dream about.

Download our Getting Free worksheet:

A questionnaire to help you start getting your finances in order- start plotting your escape today.

“Girl, this guy was so fine, he could have gotten anything he wanted from me . . . . . . . but then he opened his mouth.” Now it’s possible that Sir. Dude had a really terrifying grill (teeth for the uninitiated), but more than likely, he shot himself in the foot with every word he spoke.

It doesn’t matter if you are conversing with friends, a prospective employer or doing public speaking, your ability to sell your ideas, intent and desires can make or break you.

If you are reading my blog, you are more than likely interested in realizing your most effective self and creating the best life possible for yourself, your family and community. Your success in reaching these goals are directly related to your ability to communicate from your ‘best self’ to everyone you meet.

Your speech is the invisible hand that knocks on the door of opportunity. Too soft and no one hears. To hard and you become annoying. Use the words, tone and body language that rings your target’s bell and gets them to invite you in.

Our speech patterns, choice of vocabulary and body language are habits that we have developed at a very early age. Fortunately, it’s one of the easiest habits to modify or completely transform with some focused intervention.

Here are 8 tips to get you started on honing your gift of gab:

1.Silence is golden

There is nothing more annoying than that person who just won’t shut up. Effective communication begins with being a good listener. When someone else is speaking, give them your complete attention. Listen intentionally. Don’t just receive the words. Allow yourself to feel where they are coming from. Even if you don’t agree.

2.The eyes don’t lie.

Your eyes communicate interest, confidence, emotion and energy level. Maintain a soft focus on the person or audience you are speaking to. Shifting your focus at every little distraction conveys disinterest and lack of discipline.

3.Lighten up.

Even when discussing serious topics, it can be helpful to add a little comic relief. A witty joke or humorous observation can relieve tension at just the right moment and endear listeners to you on a level deeper than words. Let your smile be like sunshine- warm and welcoming.

4.The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

In the end, we communicate with others to express what is going on within us. Only we hear our thoughts, feel our pain or sense our pleasure, unless we express it. The more accurate our message, the better chances of getting the response we want and deserve. Be authentic, don’t beat around the bush. Make it plain.

5.Call and response

Communication is a two way street. Everyone wants to be understood. Develop rapport by occasionally paraphrasing the speech of the person your talking to. “You mean after everything you did for them, they . . . . . .”, “So what happened after the car rolled . . . . . .” Let them know that you’re in this together. In every conversation, someone is telling you their story, and they are inviting you to be a part of it. Play your role!

6.Association breeds assimilation

The life you want to live is being lived by others right now. Every lifestyle is a sort of sub-culture. They speak the same language as everyone else. But nuanced to their worldview and sensitivities. Get into their circle by joining the groups they belong to, attend events they attend. Befriend someone who’s communication style you admire and speak with them regularly- in person and/or by phone. The more time you spend talking with them, you will acquire their language style by osmosis, . My oldest daughter went to college in Nashville. She speaks with a slight southern drawl to this day. And acquired it with effortlessly.

7.Always be prepared

If you are unaccustomed to speaking in front of groups and have a presentation approaching, prepare yourself. Become familiar with your presentation through visual, auditory and kinetic stimulation. Write down notes of your major points on note cards. Deliver your presentation in the mirror (visual). Notice your affect and body language (kinetic) and adjust it to make the impression that you desire. Listen (auditory) to yourself (better yet, tape yourself) and adjust your tone, volume, rhythm and speed where necessary. After a few presentations you will have developed a style you are comfortable with and future preparation will not require as much effort.

8.If you don’t know, you better ask somebody.

If you get the feeling you are incorrectly pronouncing a word, you probably are. Don’t be afraid to ask- “am I saying that correctly.” People will appreciate your humility and willingness to learn. This could save you the embarrassment of making a fool of yourself on a regular basis. On the same note, don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know.” Nobody likes a ‘know it all’, especially when you don’t know what you think you know. Learn to “stay in your lane.” When a conversation starts to veer into the technical and factual, if you are not accustomed to swimming in these particular waters, stay on the shore. Your chiropractor’s license does not qualify you to diagnose engine problems.

Tackle these tips one at a time. Each one is guaranteed to improve your ability to open doors, hearts and minds. Your clothing makes the first impression on people you are meeting for the first time, but your speech makes a deeper and more lasting one.

Leave comment below on which of the 8 tips you felt would be most beneficial to you or someone close to you.

“Black Male Unemployment Comparable to ‘Great Depression”

This is one of the many headlines you will find on your local newsstand, the internet and falling eloquently from the mouths of the well informed and ill informed alike. And has now trickled down to the barbershop and street corner politicking shared amongst young men in our inner cities.

“Son, ain’t no jobs out here. I put in mad applications, but nobody’s calling me back.”

When you accept someone else ‘interpretation’ of events, of the future and of reality, you have made a commitment to walk lock step in stride with their train of thought.

Make no mistake about it, believing is committing. When you accept an idea, explanation or perception as your reality; you are committing your rational-emotive resources to support, pursue and be consistent with that idea. You are now married to the idea. This is how the human psyche works. What you believe is what you get.

I have on several occasion found myself falling into this pattern. Embracing the popular explanation of why some particular human institution is failing. “Yeah, business is slow, people aren’t spending like they were three years ago.” And then I sit back and suffer the self fulfillment of my prophecy.

Until things begin to get so tight, reality bitch slaps me in the jaw- “It’s not the economy stupid, it’s you.”

Immediately, I see the light (that’s what happens when you get slapped), I need to diversify. If folks aren’t buying my product like they used to, maybe I need to start selling a few more products in different markets. I can also add more value to my existing product, making it more competitive, without lowering my prices. Maybe I can . . . . The ideas start flooding in.

If you buy into the idea- “the economy is bad, ‘therefore’ the likelihood of my being able to support myself financially is improbable. As a black male, damn near impossible.” You might as well get down to the soup kitchen before the line gets long. Better yet, join the underground economy where this has long been a mantra.

Drinking this flavor of Kool Aid automatically shuts off the creativity and resilience switch in your brain.

You have blocked access to a faculty that has assisted humans in becoming the cream of the planet. Our adaptability. Our ability to improvise. To rise to the occasion and outwit much stronger forces.

Almost one in five Black men 20-years-old or older are without a job, according to figures released by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics earlier this month.

So Kazi, are you saying that there is no economic crisis and that it’s just my imagination?

Emphatically not! What I am saying is, “So what?” So the country is in a recession. So what? I am saying, don’t base the likelihood of your success or failure on statistics.

Don’t feed your mind a story that doesn’t conclude with you as the victor. Don’t lose the battle before you even swing.

Every warrior going into battle knows that his psychological state is just as important as his physical state. Don’t ruin the morale of your troops (rational-emotive forces) and expect to get their best efforts.

Get psyched up, not psyched out!

The recession is simply a part of the terrain on the economic battlefield. It’s an obstacle, a mountain in your path. You can either climb over it, march around it or tunnel through it. There are options. But to see the options, you have to be open to the possibility that there is another way to get to your destination. Use the news (reports from the field) as a resource to inform your strategy. Not as a prediction of success or failure.

Who thought that Muhammad Ali would beat Sonny Liston? Muhammad Ali, that’s who. Who thought he would beat Leon Spinks? Everybody!

Let’s us for a moment take the current economic situation or “recession” for a given. What can you do about it? Nothing! How can you change the condition of the economy today? You can’t. You don’t control the economy.

Economic cycles are a natural & social phenomenon.

Prior to modern civilization, famine, floods, volcanic eruption, hurricanes and other forms of natural disaster where the cause of economic crisis. And their effects were not gradual. They ruined entire societies within hours. This still occurs in many regions around the world.

What you do have control over is the information you value, the strategy you develop, the alliances you make and your own actions.

One of the most important tools in your arsenal are the questions you ask.

Here are a few questions to get you started on writing your own economic stimulus plan:

• What alternatives, what options do I have, that will allow me to survive and thrive in the present economic climate?
• What resources, skills and connections are at my disposal?
• Where can I cut back on my monthly expenses?
• How can I stretch my dollar?
• Is my present place (city, region, country) of residence the best place for me to thrive in the next 5-10 years?
• How can I use my talents, expertise and skills to generate income, if I cant find a job?
• Who can I team up with to form temporary or permanent income generating alliances?
• Does the fact that 20% of the men in my community are unemployed offer a unique opportunity for me to become an employer?
• What are the possibilities I haven’t considered?
• Who would be a good person to seek out for advice.
• What person or group within my community always finds a way to weather the economic storm – legally? What can I learn from them?
• How can I re-frame the popular conclusions about what the present conditions mean to me, to help activate my creative problem solving faculties.
  

Do you need an infusion of cash- soon?

Take out a pencil and paper right now and start brainstorming. Answer the questions above with as many ideas that come to mind.

You may even come up with some additional questions in the process. Once you narrow down your options, come up with a plan to get your idea of the ground. Just get started, and work on it as you go along.

So leave the reporting of the news to the reporters. Stop programming yourself for failure. Stop allowing the media, your psuedo-leaders and hood gossip to provide your spiritual mantra. The reasons you give for what you can and can’t achieve.

Remember: if you receive shit, and you believe shit, you will achieve shit.

Contrary to popular opinion, news commentary is not reality. It isn’t even a guide for how to navigate current events. The news is simply one wing of a social control mechanism, that distracts you from your intrinsic power through “information & sensory overload.”

What we need to be talking-up, are modern day legends. Community generated stories that exemplify the ability to be successful in the face of adversity. The story of what human beings like ourselves, in touch with our personal and collective divine power have and can achieve. Stories of vision, compassion, faith and hard work. Stories that reminds us of our potential and align us with our possibilities.

The Two Wolves

A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.

One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.

This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”

The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf will win?”

The Cherokee elder replied . . .

The one you feed.

Leave a comment below and let me know what you think. Pro or Con. You won’t hurt my feelings -much. ; )

Have you ever experienced an inspiring Sunday sermon?  How about a mind blowing MLM presentation?  Have you ever left a motivational talk so charged up, you were determined to finally snatch your life from the clutches of mediocrity and march it willingly or unwillingly into the holy land of unparalleled and extraordinary success?  Then you woke up.

Sixteen days have passed since your “life changing” experience.  All you have to show for it, is a box set of audio CD’s and the speakers autographed book on how to ……. (fill in the blank). Your back to whining to your best friend (or your cat) about your boss, your spouse and your uncooperative bathroom scale. What went wrong?  You were sure this was it.  You were finally sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I’ve felt your pain.  I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt!

Sixteen days have passed since your “life changing” experience.  All you have to show for it, is a box set of audio CD’s and the speakers autographed book on how to …….

Being inspired can be a double edged sword.  Sometimes we need a kick in the rear to get off of the couch and actually start working on making our dreams and plans happen in the real-world.  We need to see and hear living examples of people who have come from backgrounds similar to our own, and have overcome obstacles and personal shortcomings, to finally realize their dreams.

The blunt edge of the sword is the inability to follow through on our own steam, after the initial push has lost momentum.  Each time this happens, it takes it’s toll on our self-confidence and our belief that another life is possible.  Repeated failure to carry the ball into the end zone can cause some to become cynical, bitter and critical of anyone who even suggest that we have the capacity to be our best self.  This is the motivational backlash.

…the inability to follow through on our own steam…… it takes it’s toll on our self-confidence and our belief that another life is possible.

Motivational backlash is the result of a track record of failed attempts at changing our behavior. We start off with the best intentions, powered by the fuel of inspiration.  We lay out a plan, gather the resources and begin implementation.  For a week or two, maybe a month, we are on target.  Then life starts to happen.  We get distracted for a day.  A week later we’re off our game for 3 days.  When the smoke of life’s hiccups and emergencies finally clear, we can’t remember the last time we implemented the plan we laid out for ourselves.

Fortunately there is a work around for type B personalities, average Janes and creatives like myself. We are not doomed to dying the death of a dream deferred. Human social organization holds the key to staying focused when we find it hard to stay the course on our own.

motivational backlash is the result of a track record of failed attempts at changing our behavior.

Our ancestors had these same problems millions of years ago. Over generations they noticed that in alliances, most individuals become more productive, effective and work more efficiently.  And as a bonus, they enjoyed the satisfaction that comes from sharing their accomplishments with a trusted partner. These initial alliances were the accidental genius that gave rise to what we presently call marriage.  In the coaching community, we refer to this mutual benefit relationship as an “accountability partnership”.

they enjoyed the satisfaction that comes from sharing their accomplishments with a trusted partner.

Accountability partnerships are productivity insurance policies for the ‘frequently distracted’ like myself.  I’m the child labeled “daydreamer” by all of my grade school teachers. I generate ideas like, Salmon generate spawn.  But Salmon have a much better spawn to adult fish ratio than my idea to ship ratio. Until I found and accountability partner.

My accountability partner and I, keep each others eye on the prize. We are reminders to each other of what we have publicly stated is our best effort, our priority and our ‘next step’ on the road to personal happiness.

But the Salmon have a much better spawn to adult fish ratio than my idea to ship ratio. Until I found and accountability partner.

Forming an accountability partnership helps each individual to stay focused on the goal they have set for themselves.

I check in with my A-partner at predesignated intervals, 1-2 times per week, depending on our schedules. During these meetings, we update each other on the progress we have made since the last meeting.  If one of us is falling short of the goal we set for the week, it is the duty of the other partner to respectfully, but firmly let the other know that their lack of follow up is jeopardizing the success of the particular project or goal in question.  We apply social pressure to motivate each other to step up our respective game.

As human beings, we are hard wired to respond to social pressure.  Many of us find it hard to let a friend, colleague or family member down. But we will break an agreement with ourselves in a heartbeat.   Accountability partnerships use this innate tendency as leverage to boost human productivity.

Many of us find it hard to let a friend, colleague or family member down. But we will break an agreement with ourselves in a heartbeat.

A few tips on how to form an accountability partnership:

• find someone who is trying to achieve a goal but who has been having difficulty staying focused. (the goal doesn’t have to be the same as yours)

• at your first meeting, agree upon the terms of the partnership: meeting frequency, method of reporting (in person, online, written journals, etc.), reward systems, how failure to produce will be addressed, etc.

• give good feedback during meetings. don’t be afraid to let your partner know they are failing to keep their word

• share resources with each other that could assist each person in realizing their goals

• have an agenda for each meeting. the primary items are updates, feedback and sharing. don’t make meetings a burden by dragging them out.

• stay focused during meetings. this is not a time for socializing. If agreed upon, time can be set aside for casual conversation after the meeting, occasionally.

Accountability partnerships could be applied to any aspect of life you are attempting to improve or gain master of: relationships, finances, business, education, health, spiritual practice, child rearing, activism, housekeeping, learning an art, craft or an instrument.

Self development begins with being honest with yourself. If you know you have difficulty moving forward with consistency in a particular life area, maybe it’s time to get an accountability partner. Like minds, two commitments are better than one.

Join our mailing list to be among the first to access our upcoming free ebook:
The Lost & Found Secrets to Personal Development Success – From Misery to Mystery to Mastery.

In this book we share more in depth, step by step guidance on forming productive accountability partnerships in addition to other proven personal development power tools.

Please leave a comment below letting me know how you can or have used this self development technology to drive your goals across the finish line.