Once again the holiday season is upon us and the New Year is riding on it’s coat tails. I remember the days when everyone used to share there ‘New Years Resolutions’ with each other upon returning to school or to work after the short holiday vacation.

But the idea of making a commitment to change something in our personal lives seems to have lost it’s zing in the past decades.

I don’t here people sharing there resolutions like I used to. Many of my friends, family and acquaintances have actually resolved to no longer make ‘New Years Resolutions’. In some circles, talk of ‘New Years Resolutions’ will earn you a look of disdain or even pity. The sentiment is that only children and the naïve still subscribe to such foolishness.

Astute and sophisticated folk know better than to hang there self growth goals on that fading star. The rest of us need to ‘get with the program’.

Well, I’m not buying it. The slow death of the ‘New Years Resolution’ ritual in American culture has nothing to do with advanced thinking or the giving up of childish things. It’s demise sits squarely in the lap of personal failure.

We stop making ‘New Years Resolutions’ because we have become discouraged by our annual inability to carry through on our promises to our selves.

Rather than wallow in the pain of knowing that we are not the masters of our fate and captain of our ship we resolve to avoid the disappointment by joining the ranks of non-resoluters.

I understand and sympathize with those of you who have chosen this as your ………….

……“Failed Resolution Solution.”

But I am here to inform you that there is a better way. You can make resolutions and see them through to a successful conclusion with proper knowledge, guidance and support.

The new year is actually one of the best times to start a new goal.

Because the ‘New Years Resolution” is a social ritual, getting the support you need to carry through to the end is easy to find. There are still plenty of people out there who want to make this year better than there last. Maybe even, there “best year ever” So you are not alone.

Here are some tips to guarantee your 2011 resolutions bring you the ‘change you can believe in.”

1. Do not by any means engage the ‘non-resoluters’ in debates, discussions or pissing sessions concerning the efficacy of ‘New Years Resolutions.’ Misery loves company. There sole purpose is the rain on your parade. When you feel the urge to respond to there nay saying: Stop, do not pass go!
2. Find an accountability partner. Someone who also has a goal they are beginning in the new year. Meet with this person at least once per week to monitor each others progress, encourage each other, share strategies that are helping you keep your eye on the prize and put some fire under each other when needed. Don’t make this another meeting you will come to hate. 20 minutes is sufficient time for an accountability meeting. Stick to the script.
3. Go public with your goal to your close friends and relatives (excluding #1). Keep them updated with a bi-weekly or monthly email blast on your progress. We are wired as human beings to place less importance on disappointing ourselves, than on disappointing others. This need to make good on our word makes both the accountability partnership and community support very effective.
4. Break your big goal into smaller, mini goals or baby goals. If your want to lose 20lbs. by the summer, don’t focus on the 20 lbs. Focus on 1-2 lbs at a time. Set your self a goal of 1 lb per week and by June 30, you will have achieved your goal. The mini goal keeps you focused. The mini goal reduces performance anxiety. The mini goal allows you to harness momentum. Each mini goal achieved builds your faith and self esteem, which in turn fuels your goal achievement tank.
5. Benefit from the trance inducing affect of immersion. Surround yourself with images, information, and art that brings your mind back to the goal. Place pictures of yourself at your desired weight where you are going to see them. If you don’t have any, use images of someone else. Subscribe to journals and email list than provide education on the subject your goal is related to. Feed your soul on media that is inspiring. Whether it be music, film, novels or websites, make sure they are uplifting and concludes with the confirmation of lifes possibilities. Together, there message will induce a subtle form of self-hypnosis that will put wind beneath your resolution wings.
6. Create an home environment that supports and foster the success of you goal. Do you have the right food in your refrigerator to accelerate you weight loss goals? Have you removed all of the foods, snacks and beverages that will sabotage your success? Don’t wait for January 1 to find your gym bag, mat and other exercise accessories. I find that rearranging the furniture is a great way of keeping a new goal idea fresh in my mind. You don’t need to bring in an interior decorator. Move some things around, change some lighting, add some new scents. You will be surprised how effective these small changes are in awakening you from your day to day pattern.
7. Allocate time to achieving your goal. Don’t assume that the task needed to make your goal a success will get done by chance. Block out time everyday to work on your goal. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Take it slow. Remember, baby goals. Set a timer during your blocked time and let everyone know, your are not to be disturbed under any circumstances. Keep a journal of what you accomplish daily during your block time. This is something you can share with your accountability partner and community of supporters. It’s also a source of immediate feedback if/when you start slipping.

Everything in the universe functions according to a system. A pattern of behaviors, stimulus-responses and actions setting off chain reactions. There is a method to the universes sometimes apparent madness.

If you are to be successful in making your ‘New Years Resolution’ a reality, you too must have a prescribed system of actions, checks & balances, guidance and supporters that lead you to your goal. Let’s make 2011 your best resolution year ever.

If you could use some assistance with achieving your goals this year, contact me to set up an face to face or phone consultation.

973-968-6055
kazi@riseandshinepld.com



By follefille Kristina

“All the world is a stage,” but in the drama that is your life you continually being cast as an extra. You get to walk through the set, participate in a bar room brawl and every now and then you even get some lines, like: ‘good eveing Sir, may I take your coat.’

Needless to say, your sick and tired of playing extras and human props. You want the lead role. You want to see your name first in the list of credits and the feeling of satisfaction that goes with it.

You commit yourself to a regimen of personal development that will make you finally stand out from the crowd and get you the roles and compensation that you deserve.

Early Monday morning, you awaken to the 6 AM alarm, excited and ready to put your personal growth/success plan into effect.

First on your agenda, some exercise to get your energy up for the day big ahead. After your usual bathroom ritual you pass your laptop still on your bed from last night and see there are 6 messages waiting for you on your Face Book profile. You attend to that small task in no time and move on to check your email. It’s 6:20 AM, so your in box isn’t overflowing yet. You delete the junk. Reply to the important stuff and finish off with few quick hello/what’s up emails to some out of town friends.

The duffel bag of laundry that’s been sitting behind your bedroom doorway catches your eye. In true “no more procrastination” fashion, you snatch it up in one hand and head down to the basement to drop the pile in the washer for a well deserved swim.

When you arrive back at your room you notice it’s 6:57 and your getting hungry. Time to get some breakfast into you system, to start the morning off right.

This is day one of your new “success by any means necessary”, happy, healthy and wealthy by 2011, personal development journey. Unfortunately, you haven’t gotten anything done that is going to get you any closer to the goals you have set for yourself.

You’ve fallen right back into your old patterns. The only difference is that you’re usually not out of bed until about 7:30, followed by an hour of slumbering around your apartment in a daze until the fear of lateness gets you in gear.

If you want to break away from the life your dissatisfied with and begin to build the life of your dreams, you have got to have a plan for breaking old habits. Habits function on an unconscious level. That is why making a conscious decision to break away from old habits, is oft times not enough.

To break old habits you first have to learn to speak the language of the habit mind. And that language is not limited to words. A often overlooked dialect in the language of the habit mind is that of images.

Have you ever noticed that our urgency to use the toilet increases as we get closer to our place of residence. There is no need for you to say “Wow, I’m almost home” for this to occur. As you travel home, you are passing images (streets, homes, cars, stores, etc.) that serve as unconscious psychological ques that alert your unconscious mind that you are getting close to home. Which in turn signals your bladder to relax and get your attention. It wants you to know, it’s time to open the flood gates.

The same thing happens in your home.

When you awake in the morning, your furniture, the lighting, temperature and other factors in the environment also serve as ques.

Your automaton recognizes the place and time, and begin to automatically steer you through the steps of a choreographed dance you’ve been performing over the preceding months or even years.

If you want to be successful in breaking what has become a vicious cycle, you have got to change the props on the stage of life. Here are a few tweeks to get you started.

• Change the direction of your bed. This will ensure that your habitual wake up, is followed by an conscious wake up. You want to experience that split second uneasiness of ‘where am I?’

• Change the lighting in your bedroom. If your presently using a 60 watt bulb, go up to a 70 watt. If your using an 90 watt. Drop down to an 80 . Shoot for a subtle, but noticeable difference.

• Have a morning ritual that breaks your old pattern. Insert, morning prayer of meditation where reading the paper used to be. In the beginning, leave a big sticky note on the bathroom mirror to remind you of your “new next step”. The old pattern is wired in and will take off automatically if your not reminded.

• Don’t leave distracting pages up on your computer. If you intend to spend an hour writing, first thing in the morning. Shut down all windows, tabs and alerts not directly related to the task at hand.

• Create pre-task rituals. Before your workout, change into a pair of sneakers you keep in the house just for exercise. Don’t use this footwear to walk the dog or go out to the movies. You want the shoes to become sub-consciously associated with exercise. The sneakers will become the equivalent of a bell to Pavlov’s dog.

• Don’t set your thermostat too high. You don’t want to feel like your still cozy under the covers. If you don’t control the thermostat, open a widow just enough to get a light breeze or to bring the temperature down a few degrees.

• Re-arrange some furniture. Move some paintings around on your walls. If your really want to get deep into your psychic mojo, paint a few walls and throw down a rug.

• Burn some incense in the morning and when you arrive home from a day out. You don’t have to fumigate the place. Just enough to alert the senses. Cooking new dishes. Using new spices, herbs and seasoning can have the same effect.

“All the world is a stage, and we are just players.” It’s time for you to take the lead role.

Have you ever heard of Spike Lee? In his first 4-5 feature films, he was not only an actor, but also served as director and producer.

To be successful in breaking habits, assuming the role of director, producer and lead actor, is a must for guaranteeing the long term success of the reality show called “This is Your Life.”

Have you ever noticed the awakening effect remodeling or just re-arranging household furniture has on your psyche. Drop me a line below and share your experiences with us.

Have you ever experienced an inspiring Sunday sermon?  How about a mind blowing MLM presentation?  Have you ever left a motivational talk so charged up, you were determined to finally snatch your life from the clutches of mediocrity and march it willingly or unwillingly into the holy land of unparalleled and extraordinary success?  Then you woke up.

Sixteen days have passed since your “life changing” experience.  All you have to show for it, is a box set of audio CD’s and the speakers autographed book on how to ……. (fill in the blank). Your back to whining to your best friend (or your cat) about your boss, your spouse and your uncooperative bathroom scale. What went wrong?  You were sure this was it.  You were finally sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I’ve felt your pain.  I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt!

Sixteen days have passed since your “life changing” experience.  All you have to show for it, is a box set of audio CD’s and the speakers autographed book on how to …….

Being inspired can be a double edged sword.  Sometimes we need a kick in the rear to get off of the couch and actually start working on making our dreams and plans happen in the real-world.  We need to see and hear living examples of people who have come from backgrounds similar to our own, and have overcome obstacles and personal shortcomings, to finally realize their dreams.

The blunt edge of the sword is the inability to follow through on our own steam, after the initial push has lost momentum.  Each time this happens, it takes it’s toll on our self-confidence and our belief that another life is possible.  Repeated failure to carry the ball into the end zone can cause some to become cynical, bitter and critical of anyone who even suggest that we have the capacity to be our best self.  This is the motivational backlash.

…the inability to follow through on our own steam…… it takes it’s toll on our self-confidence and our belief that another life is possible.

Motivational backlash is the result of a track record of failed attempts at changing our behavior. We start off with the best intentions, powered by the fuel of inspiration.  We lay out a plan, gather the resources and begin implementation.  For a week or two, maybe a month, we are on target.  Then life starts to happen.  We get distracted for a day.  A week later we’re off our game for 3 days.  When the smoke of life’s hiccups and emergencies finally clear, we can’t remember the last time we implemented the plan we laid out for ourselves.

Fortunately there is a work around for type B personalities, average Janes and creatives like myself. We are not doomed to dying the death of a dream deferred. Human social organization holds the key to staying focused when we find it hard to stay the course on our own.

motivational backlash is the result of a track record of failed attempts at changing our behavior.

Our ancestors had these same problems millions of years ago. Over generations they noticed that in alliances, most individuals become more productive, effective and work more efficiently.  And as a bonus, they enjoyed the satisfaction that comes from sharing their accomplishments with a trusted partner. These initial alliances were the accidental genius that gave rise to what we presently call marriage.  In the coaching community, we refer to this mutual benefit relationship as an “accountability partnership”.

they enjoyed the satisfaction that comes from sharing their accomplishments with a trusted partner.

Accountability partnerships are productivity insurance policies for the ‘frequently distracted’ like myself.  I’m the child labeled “daydreamer” by all of my grade school teachers. I generate ideas like, Salmon generate spawn.  But Salmon have a much better spawn to adult fish ratio than my idea to ship ratio. Until I found and accountability partner.

My accountability partner and I, keep each others eye on the prize. We are reminders to each other of what we have publicly stated is our best effort, our priority and our ‘next step’ on the road to personal happiness.

But the Salmon have a much better spawn to adult fish ratio than my idea to ship ratio. Until I found and accountability partner.

Forming an accountability partnership helps each individual to stay focused on the goal they have set for themselves.

I check in with my A-partner at predesignated intervals, 1-2 times per week, depending on our schedules. During these meetings, we update each other on the progress we have made since the last meeting.  If one of us is falling short of the goal we set for the week, it is the duty of the other partner to respectfully, but firmly let the other know that their lack of follow up is jeopardizing the success of the particular project or goal in question.  We apply social pressure to motivate each other to step up our respective game.

As human beings, we are hard wired to respond to social pressure.  Many of us find it hard to let a friend, colleague or family member down. But we will break an agreement with ourselves in a heartbeat.   Accountability partnerships use this innate tendency as leverage to boost human productivity.

Many of us find it hard to let a friend, colleague or family member down. But we will break an agreement with ourselves in a heartbeat.

A few tips on how to form an accountability partnership:

• find someone who is trying to achieve a goal but who has been having difficulty staying focused. (the goal doesn’t have to be the same as yours)

• at your first meeting, agree upon the terms of the partnership: meeting frequency, method of reporting (in person, online, written journals, etc.), reward systems, how failure to produce will be addressed, etc.

• give good feedback during meetings. don’t be afraid to let your partner know they are failing to keep their word

• share resources with each other that could assist each person in realizing their goals

• have an agenda for each meeting. the primary items are updates, feedback and sharing. don’t make meetings a burden by dragging them out.

• stay focused during meetings. this is not a time for socializing. If agreed upon, time can be set aside for casual conversation after the meeting, occasionally.

Accountability partnerships could be applied to any aspect of life you are attempting to improve or gain master of: relationships, finances, business, education, health, spiritual practice, child rearing, activism, housekeeping, learning an art, craft or an instrument.

Self development begins with being honest with yourself. If you know you have difficulty moving forward with consistency in a particular life area, maybe it’s time to get an accountability partner. Like minds, two commitments are better than one.

Join our mailing list to be among the first to access our upcoming free ebook:
The Lost & Found Secrets to Personal Development Success – From Misery to Mystery to Mastery.

In this book we share more in depth, step by step guidance on forming productive accountability partnerships in addition to other proven personal development power tools.

Please leave a comment below letting me know how you can or have used this self development technology to drive your goals across the finish line.